Here’s a god-awful idea. Let’s play Daggerfall, making every decision by drawing a tarot card! Nothing could possibly go wrong! I will draw a tarot card for every major decision, and possibly a lot of the minor decisions. I predict nothing but smooth sailing.
In this episode, mostly character creation probably.
First we have to decide our home province.
I didn’t come up with anything fancy. I just drew a card and read all the province descriptions. Except for the Imperial province… I couldn’t get that one to work. Anyway. I drew the 4 of Wands. Willful, passionate, and nobly visaged (the fours are associated with Jupiter). I considered being a Redguard, but they seemed more practical. The High Elves were literally described as “willful,” so there we go. I’m a High Elf.
Then I had to pick a sex, didn’t I? Well, I got the 7 of Coins. Sevens are associated with Venus, so I’m a woman. Done.
I had to go through the narrative character generator, right? The first choice is that my cousin came up with an embarrassing nickname for me when I was a kid. How did I solve the problem?
Hm. I got the King of Pentacles this time. The king gets things done in the realm of the physical. So I guess I beat the shit out of my cousin. Nice.
Next I was on a boat that I would surely die on, because of the deadly current. How did I react?
I got Temperance. I had no idea what to do with that, so I went for a consultation with my wife. She said to go with the thing that would please the guy the most, given that he’d already chosen to kick the shit out of his cousin. I figured jumping into the current would, probably? So OK, I guess, let’s settle for that one.
I couldn’t fit all the options for the next one in a single shot, so they were like this. My arms teacher brings in a new kid, who seems to suck at everything. He’s small and timid and so on, so forth. In a mock battle I’m a general for the mock battle and I get this kid. Do I
A: put him up front so he dies early, because that’s what would happen in a real battle
B: use him as a scout because his size and demeanor suit him for that role
C: put him in a bunch of roles and help him out a bit, so he gets experience and can find something he’s good at.
So I definitely didn’t get this question when I was a kid. But OK, let’s go to the cards. Four of Swords. Fours are about structure, swords are about thoughts. It can mean isolation, but a good kind. I’m choosing to believe that means isolating the kid as a scout will let him play to his strengths.
Every screen looks the same, so I’ll just type these out unless that changes.
Now we’re back after the battle, I guess. The instructor is a real hard ass, and he’s yelling at me. I see other students sneak an aggressive, “non-poisonous” snake (I swear game, I swear — snakes are venomous, not poisonous. They’re not plants) into his bag. Do I
A: let it happen. Fuck that guy.
B: Tell him I saw a snake get in on its own, saving him and the other students.
C: Rat the other students out, they’re assholes.
I got The Sun. That’s usually a warm card about kindness, giving, and knowing things (the light of day). So I guess I’ll let him know about the snake without getting anyone in trouble.
New topic. I hear the story of a brave leader who stayed behind so his soldiers could escape an oncoming army. He held them back and died. Would I
A: run. Fuck those guys.
B: do what that guy did.
C: find some clever distraction so I live and my soldiers live too
Seven of Cups. Cups are all about emotions. The sevens are often labeled as “victories.” This card can be about daydreams or fantasies. Crowley called it “Debauch.” I’m guessing it’s a mental victory that leads to emotional comfort, so it’s either running or distracting. Since it’s a victory, I’m going to go with distracting, since no one else wins if I just leg it.
New topic: a mob is chasing a guy. Do I help the guy, the mob, or nobody? I have no idea what’s happening. Three of Cups. That’s about sharing and coming together, so I guess I’d help the guy, since the mob isn’t really about happiness, right?
The king might have hired telepaths to find spies and such. Is this an abhorrent violation of my sovereignty? Is it a great idea? Or is it a “necessary evil?” Ace of Wands says it’s a great idea. No hesitation, all energy. We’re passionate about this idea.
New topic: I’m in a hunt and the winner will be rich for life. I find a downed white stag that will definitely be the winning kill, and I recognize my friend’s arrow in its side. Do I take the credit, show everyone my friend killed it, or cut a deal where we all split the prize because we all helped?
The Two of Wands. I glanced in one of my books and it says the querent may need to learn to share. So. Well, OK then, let’s all say we got this here deer.
New topic. This one’s weird. I’m fishing and I find ants all up in my boots… which I’m not wearing… for some reason. They’re also stealing bread. Do I wash them all out now, sit around and watch them and think of how cool they are, or make leaf boats and float them down the river one by one?
Two of Swords. The twos are also about balance, and here you find balance in silence. So I guess I sit around and watch them?
New topic: at a family party, I see my cousin sneak into a room and stuff a silver candlestick in his jacket. He’s “honorable,” but his family’s in financial trouble. Do I let him know I saw him and tell him we can help out but he shouldn’t steal? Do I just let him go for it, because who cares about one candlestick? Or do I lock him in and let my father decide?
The Wheel of Fortune. So we’re definitely not catching him, since we could be in his position one day. This is a tough one. I suppose I’d tell him to ask the family for help. Some older images of the Wheel of Fortune have people talking about where they are in life, and those on the bottom talked about the help they needed. So let’s offer that help.
It’s official. We’re a monk. Let’s iron fist these motherfuckers. Which motherfuckers? I guess we’ll see next time!