12 Days Five: Nyarko-san’s Time of Her Life

And now for something a bit different. This deck is called Arcane Bullshit, and it’s pretty weird. Occultists need senses of humor, or else we risk becoming the asshole at the party talking about chakras and Kundalini. Let’s not do that. So for today’s post I wanted to talk about Nyarko-San: The Crawling Chaos. So it seemed appropriate to dig this deck out.

I don’t know that this show was terribly popular, so let me run it down quickly. It uses the old chestnut that H. P. Lovecraft was accidentally on to something when he wrote all his horror stories. Except instead of dark arcane truths it’s alien law enforcement. Nyarko is both a race and a person of that race — Nyarko being Nylarlathotep, of course. It’s a harem comedy with decent fight scenes, basically. Nyarko, of course, is in love with a human who hates anything out of the ordinary. She’s also a huge weeb, and part of the appeal of getting herself assigned to Earth is that she’s at the source of all the games and anime she loves. So there’s that. On to the cards!

Beefcake

Well, I’d say that’s pretty clearly her boy-toy, right? Emotions and the fear of death combine, just like the guy’s story arc (I seriously can’t remember his name — it’s that kind of show).

Look at this Fucking Hourglass

Did you? Really look at it, I mean. It’s got a grimoire on top, with skulls holding it up, and a big all-seeing eye in the middle. And, most importantly, it only goes one way. You can’t turn this fucking hourglass on either end, it’s one way only. So basically it’s life, right? Nyarko-san the show aspires to many different kinds of show, and slice-of-life is one of them. Time passes ever onward, and the threat of death looms because when it’s not about girls vying for a generic guy’s attention, it’s about aliens threatening to kill all humans (or unleash powerful video game systems on them, either way).

It’s Probably Nothing

Well, this is a good approximation of how Nyarko is actually supposed to look. She’s the grey-haired girl in the image above, but the show features a few scenes where, off-screen, she reverts to how she really looks, the cute girl thing being a way to fit in on Earth. “It’s probably nothing” is what people say when it is something, and this time it sure is a problem that she might not have arms.

The Decision Maker

Now that’s a hell of a guy. Maybe we can say this is Nyarko’s boss, and by extension, her entire life before coming to Earth. I mean, she has a job, hobbies, friends (sort of). She made a decision to go to Earth, and basically the entire plot is the unveiling of the consequences of that decision.

Thief

She certainly wants to steal her human boy’s heart, doesn’t she? And she doesn’t go about it very well, most of the time. She constantly tries to seduce him in that goofy comedy way of just wandering around and telling him they should make a baby. He hates that. But slowly, over the course of the narrative, she works her way into his heart, like an insect burrowing into someone’s chest.

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